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Jan. 31st, 2005 @ 04:22 pm
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I want to quit my job so badly.... only a few more months. I lost my cell phone. So if anyone has been trying to get ahold of me there, I'm not ignoring them, I just am unaware.Current Mood:  frustrated |
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Yeah... I've been doing calculus most of the day and it's starting to really eat at my brain, however, I feel somewhat happy and rejuvenated by it. I really do love math. It's weird, but I really like school now. I don't know what happened but for the most part I try to get good grades and look forward to class. That said, it's almost the end of the semester and I'm ready for it. There are only a few of the classes I'm taking this semester that I still enjoy. I will be very ready for a break. Maybe my luck will improve with a new semester too. I don't know why I feel so happy right now... all I've done today is calculus and I can't even get any of the right answers anymore. Someone needs to knock some sense into me. :-PCurrent Mood:  optimistic |
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Nov. 15th, 2004 @ 06:25 pm
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I've learned a lot recently. Mostly who my real friends are. And I'm really thankful for it, even though I was really hurt at first. Recently a few people who are very dear to me have really stood by me and shown that they are not shallow or with hidden agendas. I really value these people and I'm very thankful they are my friends. It's really feels good to know you have such good people by your side. Because of the support of my true friends I have been able to realize that a lot of things aren't that important to me and I should just let them go. Letting go has always been really hard for me...
On a somewhat related note, I talked to Greg from the S+LUG lab today and gave him my side of the story. It bugged me that no one had bothered even talking to me about it, but several people were talking behind my back. I found out that some of the stuff that was going on was due to lying, misunderstanding, and some to different points of views. Greg seems pretty level headed and logical, so hopefully he will be able to approach things with unbaised eyes, even though I am not the person involved he is friends with.
On a different somewhat related note, I ran into Shalan on Saturday night, when I was hanging out with one of my friends, Brennan. Brennan and I have been trying to get together for a while and keep on ditching each other and were finally able to get together. I found out later, that it was going around at a party that night that I was with some guy who I might be sleeping with. This is pretty funny for me since 1.) I have told Brennan that I am NOT at all interested in dating and 2.) Aaron who *gasp* I am also not dating, knew I was hanging out with him that night. If anyone had bothered to ask they would have know the truth, but again no one asked the people involved and assumed that I was in the wrong. I'm getting really sick of this happening. I'm not meaning to say anything bad about Shalan here... just hoping she will ask me next time. :-) Besides that I'm cool with Shalan.
I also find it interesting that there is a common thread to all the recent drama in my life... but it's probably best not to go into that here, unless I want more drama. ;-)Current Mood:  thankful |
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I'm suddenly really lonely. I have recently come to realize that many of my guys friends only like me for the chance that I may date them. It makes me feel really down about myself, I wonder if I'm really boring and normal as anything more than a "catch." I think to a small group of people I come off as a slut... This really bothers me. I am naturally friendly and like to listen to people and get to know them. and because a lot of the people that I'm around have no other options of girls, it's taken as I'm trying to get fan boys. The problem is I'm trying to get friends.... but the people who interest me as friends also happen to be the type of boys who would fall for me... so I'm lonely.. I'm trying to detach myself from those type of situations and I realize that there are very very few people who are actually my friends... I don't really have the time to build friendships now either. I have too much crap to get done in my life. I want a break from it all. I want to sleep for a very very long time.Current Mood:  lonely |
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blah
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Aug. 26th, 2004 @ 03:40 pm
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Let me be alone
Let me dream in silence
And enjoy this cold wonderful night
Let me believe
Make me glad
Let's dance on the water
Let's dance on the water
Let me believe
No human can drown
If you don't expect too much
If you don't expect too much
Let me take you for a walk
Let me see, let me smile
Tell me
No human can drown
If you don't expect too much
And let me take you for a walk
I don't expect to much
Just wanna hold you
Just wanna touch you
Just wanna hold you
Just wanna touch you
And I feel your flesh
Take me in your universe
Hold me
Just hold meCurrent Mood: lonely Current Music: Xymox - No Human Can Drown |
| » Nervous, but in a good way |
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Today is the first day of class and I'm nervous. Mostly because I'm really excited about it. I have a lot of classes that look like they are going to be a lot of work but really fun material. That and so far I know someone in all my classes.
There was some drama recently in my life which upsets me, but it's mostly worked out, with only one person not cool with me and I'm hoping if I continue to do the best I can she will realize I'm not the bad person she thinks I am...
I really need to hang out with James soon. I have been wanting to see him for a while but just haven't gotten the time and I miss him!!!!
Sarah left last weekend and it was sad... I need her address so I can write her pretty letters!
I've gotten pretty close to Max recently which is cool. He is really neat! He's smart too. I look forward to another semester of competing with him for grades ;)
I'm so glad Ty and I are friends and having classes together tomorrow! Maybe I'll finally get to spend some time with him, even if it is just in class.
Hartman was supposed to email me today while he was at work but he hasn't yet. Booooo!
I talked to Aaron yesterday and he seemed okay which is good, plus it was nice talking to him.
Karis called me today while I was in class. I need to hang out with her soon.
Heh, I need to remember to call Jon back while I'm at it.
Well I have to go to class now, so maybe I'll post more later!
Edit: Hartman sent me an email, I just didn't recognize the address. Oops!
Aug. 23rd, 2004 @ 03:19 pm
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| » READ THIS!!! |
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My opinion of Gore has gone up several notches after reading this... OMG!!!! http://www.moveonpac.org/goreremarks052604.html
May. 28th, 2004 @ 04:11 pm
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| » Finally... |
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Guess who will have 2 beatmania IIDX controllers in a week?!
besides that today has sucked...
but oh well.
it will in be better
in a week
*evil grin*
May. 24th, 2004 @ 06:27 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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my dad had a heart attack.... he's okay... why does everything come at once?
May. 13th, 2004 @ 08:13 am
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| » ..........wah |
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Talked to Paul in the first time in over 2 months...
One of the PCs got stolen on the only day I'm in charge (actually it was stolen on Wed but no one noticed until today)]
There is a lot of people at work bitter at me over politics... but they don't realize that I try and do the best for everyone... even if they don't like me or I don't like them... I need to either get my job better defined or find a new one maybe somewhere in IT...
Hartman and I had a not fun talk
I have so much work to do on the project and studying... but I really just want to rest this weekend...
I want to crawl up and go back to bed... I'm tired of boys... I'm tired of work... I'm tired of school...
Apr. 30th, 2004 @ 03:19 pm
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| » *whimper* |
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The company I'm working with for my project is going to kill me.... There is no way I can complete the amount of work they have given me.... They gave me over 30 pages of content to put under just ONE of the FIFTEEN links they want me to do... If they keep that up it will be a 450 PAGE WEBPAGE!!!!!!
*cries*
I've had no life at all this week...
Hopefully I'll have a life this weekend. Friday I'm either going to a movie with Aaron and Leigh or if that falls through I'm probably going to go to Carolyn's birthday thing. Saturday I'm supposed to go out with Sarah Grupper for dinner at like 9 pm. I'll probably have to see the play for my theatre class Saturday too. Sunday I'm supposed to hang out with Liz and her friend to watch the 12 Samurai. I haven't seen Liz in a while so I'm pretty excited about that.
GUESS WHAT?!
I got a pop-top case mod for my PS2 and as soon as I put it all together I'll be able to play Japanese games!!!!!!!!
Here's what I want so far
DDR Extreme
DDR Party Collection
2 Beatmania IIDX Controllers
Beatmania IIDX 3-6
Some pretty RPG that Liz showed me based of 12 Samuria
It will probably take me a while to get all that..... but when I do damn will it be awesome.
I can't wait until this semester is over and I get my grades.... too bad we don't have a break...
Apr. 22nd, 2004 @ 10:27 am
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| » LMAO! |
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Steve: Holy crap
Steve: That stapler was totally smarter than I am
me: uuuummmmm?
Steve: I have never before in my life needed a manual to operate a stapler
Steve: So it's got this button on top, right?
Steve: So I hit the button to see where the staple will land
Steve: and this shelf comes out.
Steve: So I pull out the shelf...oh, it's where the staples are loaded
Steve: So I put the shelf back where it was when I hit the button
Steve: and slide in my paper
Steve: and THUNK
Steve: ...nothing happens.
Steve: Well, maybe I was too fast. I do it again.
Steve: THUNK
Steve: nothing
Steve: Maybe I wasn't back far enough.
Steve: THUNK
Steve: nothing
Steve: Until the lab manager sees my struggles with the stapler and tells me to put the shelf back in. So apparently, I'm not even supposed to press a button with this damn stapler.
Bloomington was fun.... I'll write more when I have more time.
Apr. 12th, 2004 @ 04:04 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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I never realized how useful having a palm is. I feel so much more organized. And it's cool to check stuff off as I finish them, makes me feel all accomplished and all.
mmmm... tea is yum!
Tonight should be fun. I'm hanging out with Stephen. We are going to play karaoke revolution and then go to the Mag bar. I've never been there before, so it should be interesting.
I need to throw a party sometime. What should the theme be?
Track 14 is sad. I don't want to slip away.
Mar. 12th, 2004 @ 02:16 pm
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| » It's catching up |
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I was so hyper earlier and now I feel like someone has pulled the plug....
I have been neglecting many of my friends and putting off serious talks with others.... I feel guilty
Hartman flashed me the best smile ever when I left for work...
I need to make Access love me better
Why do I feel quilty about getting Aaron a job?
I'm getting addicted to listening to music at work
Is Liz still avoiding me?
I worry about our CECS project. It seems big, but I'm still excited.
I wonder if I'll see Aaron when he's at work today.
Homework sucks, I'm behind.
I hope I do okay on my test today, I didn't go to the play, but I read the script.
Why do I always feel like I'm forgeting something important?
I need a back rub and pampering.
and lots of time!!!!!
Mar. 9th, 2004 @ 04:20 pm
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| » Thank god for happy endings |
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Yesterday went surprisingly well.
I slept in and cut my first class. Then I went to work and Ty was feeling better and that made me happy.
I went to my CS class and found out we are going to be paid for being studied while we do our project. Pretty sweet being paid $40 to do your homework. Plus instead of working on a made-up website, we are going to be redoing a website for an actual company. I'm so excited. It's going to be a lot of work, but it will be fun and it will look really good on my resume to say I built a company's website.
Went back to work for a little while and then Bob and I went to the SAC to get sushi for lunch. It tasted a little prepackaged, but it was probably healthier than most things I could have had, plus it is just cool that I can have sushi for lunch. We ran into James, this guy I know from two of my classes who seems really neat, on the way back from eating. He said he'd never had sushi before and would go out to dinner with me to get it sometime. I don't have his number though and am not really sure if I even want it so that will probably never happen.
Doug picked me up from work to go babysitting and it was nice to see him, but we didn't really have time to hang out or anything. I was so tired I fell asleep babysitting and woke up to Wylie kicking me.
Hartman picked me up from my mom's house and we went over to my apartment to have our talk. At first it was really awkward, but then we started talking and it became apparent that we had both been dumb and both really cared about each other. Things went so well I'm a little worried I'm going to find out it was too good to be true and it turns out it was a dream or that he changed his mind and isn't really cool with me. So we are friends again now and that makes me so happy. I really missed him. I'm hoping we'll be able to hang out soon.
I kinda got the impression that Liz might be a little pissy at me now, but I'm not really sure why. Something to do with Aaron's side of the story. I'm not really sure what Aarons side of the story is actually, but I have my suspicions that it makes me look bad. Oh well.... I guess I just need to talk to Liz now and then everything will be worked out with everyone. I really really really like Liz so I hope she doesn't stay mad at me. She's such a neato person. Maybe she and Jake can come hang out Sunday.
I have to clean out my desk at the NCC today. It kinda makes me sad. I wonder what the future holds.
After work I'm going to hang out with Ryan for a little bit so I can see him before he leaves town. I really should be cleaning instead but oh well...
We are having the Progressive Party thingy tonight. We are first with appetizers and drinks. Kelly is going to dress up as a belly dancer and I'm going to put on my geisha costume, which means I better start getting dressed 2 hours early. Anyone who wants to see me all dressed up neato like should call so they can visit before or after the party or something.
Well I really should get to cleaning my desk. Today is just going to be a cleaning type of day
Mar. 6th, 2004 @ 10:38 am
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| » Silence |
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I've felt so lonely today. I feel like crying for no reason. I just want to curl up and sleep. I have to perform my monologue in Theatre class today. Where am I going to get the energy?
----Ty is being weird..... It makes me want to cry.... I feel helpless
I started crying at work today when I was talking on aim with Hartman and I don't even know why... We are supposed to have a talk in person tonight or tomorrow. Hopefully everything will be okay. I think things are working out. Slowly... but working out.
I saw Chris yesterday. It was stressful. But in a lot of ways I was still glad to see him. I worry about him. I didn't call him back, so I bet he's pissed. I just ran out of energy.
These last few weeks have been really hard. I feel like I'm running out of steam.
I'm not as motivated at work as usual and in school I'm apathetic. Like the other day I did my homework and just didn't turn it in.
I really don't want Liz and Jake to be pissy with Hartman... I don't want anyone to be pissy with anyone. I wish we could all just forgive each other and break the barriers forming. I miss talking to Hartman. I miss his hugs...
Mar. 4th, 2004 @ 02:18 pm
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| » Maybe a little better |
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A new week. Maybe a better week.
Stuff went really bad Saturday. I cried a lot... We've talked since. I'm not sure how bad stuff actually is...
Liz and Jake have been so nice to me. They are really awesome! I was going to hang out with them Saturday night, but I was so drained I just crashed. I hope I get to hang out with them sometime this week.
Sunday Ryan came in town and I hung out with him. We got coffee at the Old Louisville Coffee House and ran into Ana Collins. Then we walked to UofL and I gave him a tour of the computer centers and stuff. RIT has so much cooler stuff than we do. I'm so jealous. We went out to dinner and then came back to my apartment and had a long talk. I hope he manages to get all worked out in his life and be all happy and stuff.
Yesterday was LONG!!!! I was at UofL from 8 am until midnight. I had to close up the North Center. I spent almost the whole time trying to get this software for work done, so I barely even got to touch homework... not good.
Today I'm supposed to meet Stephanie after my Theatre class so we can watch Fruits Basket. I need a more constant diet of anime.
Mar. 2nd, 2004 @ 11:01 am
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| » What's going on? |
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Something happened. Something bad. The problem is I have no idea what. Someone PLEASE clue me in on what's going on!!!
Feb. 28th, 2004 @ 09:55 am
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| » AHHHH!!! |
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People need to stop getting pissy at me because I don't see them enough. I just don't have much time with work and school. Plus, with the number of people demanding significant portions of my time, I would have to quit both and still not make everyone happy. /***randomness ---- I love you, you pay my rent --- damn Pet Shop Boys***/ I got into big arguements with two people today because they don't get to see me enough.... I'm not trying to be a bad friend, I just don't have time to always hang out....
I'm going to be a guinea pig. In my CSandE class this lady from England doing research on gender in CS. She is tracking a group of girls and a group of guys doing our major the project to compare how the different genders in CS think. Since there is only 1 other girl in my class besides me, I have to work with her and the lady is going to be study us.
Thank god the weekend is coming!!!
I hung out with Liz and Jake last night, I really like them. They are both so nice and cute. I need to hang out with them more. Hartman came over after a while, but as usual I crashed really early.
I can't wait for tonight: good food, good company, and my totally hot belly dancer roommate.
I double-cross you
And you get mysterious mail
I've tried hard not to shock you
It's hard not to with the things I could say
Tell me why don't we try
Not to break our hearts and make it so hard for ourselves?
Why don't we try
Not to break our hearts and make it so hard for ourselves?
Feb. 27th, 2004 @ 02:42 pm
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| » stressed |
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Relationships suck, I suck, confusion sucks, but all you guys are awesome. I'm glad to know you all.
hehe this amuses me http://www.chuckchamblee.com/dom/fun/yankee_dixie_quiz.htm
I'm 71% dixie
Feb. 21st, 2004 @ 01:34 pm
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